Old SNOTS Offsite Minutes

[The following is an account of an Old SNOTS offsite gathering.  Though the tone of the minutes may seem negative, in fact we had a great time.  It goes to show that wherever and whenever the Old SNOTS gather it'll be a night worth noting.] 

Minutes of the Offsite
of the

Old Scotch Nosing or Tasting Society

(Old SNOTS)
June 9, 2010

Members Present:                                                      Single Malts Present:

Jim Dice                                                       Glenlivet 15 yr old
Gary Machovina                                             Jura 10 yr old
Mike Day
Brant Dixon
Steve McAllister                                                         

1.  I can hear someone say it already.  “Hey!  Wait a minute!  Aren’t all Old SNOTS gatherings offsites?”  Well . . . technically . . . yeah . . . but that sounds like quibbling to me.  Let’s just for a moment think about this. 

Socrates:  Where do we have our gatherings now? 
Phaedo:  At the homes of various Old SNOTS. 
Socrates:  And those homes are separate and distinct?
Phaedo:  Of course, you old dolt.
Socrates:  Careful there, youngster.  And what do they have in common?
Phaedo:  Duh, they’re made of wood and brick and stone and other stuff that houses are made of.
Socrates:  And what else?
Phaedo:  Oh for Christ’s sake (even though he wasn’t born yet—I like the sound of saying that), just get on with it!
Socrates:  They’re all in Illinois.  It’s the “site” of our gatherings.  The gathering about to be reported on was in New Jersey.  New Jersey is not Illinois (even though they rival each other for being the most politically corrupt).  It’s not the “site” of our gatherings.  Therefore, since we were not in Illinois, the site of our gatherings, but were in New Jersey, this must be an offsite.  This is why, in thousands of years from now, people will think I’m a genius. 

 Ah, the dangers of having a philosophy major in your midst.

2.  The members present were all at the Global Mobility Wargame at Ft Dix.  Actually, there were more of the Old SNOTS at the wargame (Mark Caslen and Mike Peet), but due to various commitments, the ones listed were the only ones to actually participate in the Old SNOTS offsite gathering.  Several of us talked about bringing whisky in our checked bags, but no one did.  We, instead, decided to rely on the availability of single malts in New Jersey.  Mistake.  There’s a reason everyone says that McGuire AFB/Ft. Dix is out in the middle of nowhere.  We found one open liquor store on our way to lodging.  It was almost a scary place, lined with temporary shelves and stocked with bottles best known as containing alcohol designed to cheaply and reliably get you stupid.  The young man behind the counter had more tattoos and body piercings than I could bear to look at.  After passing by stacked cases of Bud Light and shelves of cheap wine, suspect vodka, tequila with and without worms and sloe gin, we came to the shelf with whisk(e)y.  There, at the bottom, below the rows of Jim Beam and Old Crow and Jack Daniels sat a lone bottle of single malt and from the dust on the top of the box it had been there for some time.  It was the Jura.  Gary Machovina and I decided to rescue it.  We then went to the Class VI at Ft. Dix where the selection of single malts was only marginally better.  Jim Dice bought the Glenlivet there.  And that constituted the selection for our offsite.  We collectively scratched our head wondering why the state with the highest population density could sustain that dubious distinction given the dearth of single malts.  Something else for Socrates to ponder.

3.  The standard Old SNOTS practice of grilling steaks before sampling wasn’t going to work, so we went to Pudgy’s.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that.  The gathering actually happened in the lobby of the lodging office.  We originally thought we’d meet outside so some could smoke their cigars, but the rainy weather prevented that.  So we found a corner with some comfortable chairs and tables and pulled out our bottles and plastic cups from our bathrooms that recently had the sanitary plastic wrap removed and sat down to the sampling.  It should be noted that one of the group, Brant Dixon, is, in all actuality, a virgin.  However, because this offsite gathering was not a typical one, he will remain a virgin until he successfully makes it through an “onsite” gathering.

4.  While there are no existing notes surviving from the gathering, I can attest to the fact that the that one of the group, who will go nameless but refused to perform his prescribed duties as scribe for this offsite gathering, described the Jura as tasting like “dirt.”  The others said that they felt like they needed to brush and floss after tasting the Glenlivet.  Mike Day, knowing the outcome but apparently wanting to rub someone’s nose in the “dirt,” forced a vote.  There were 4 votes for the Jura and 1 for the Glenlivet. 

5.  We’ll get back to an “onsite” Old SNOTS gathering at the home of Bobby Fowler on 26 June.  The theme for that gathering will be whiskies from Islay and Skye. 

 “Cab for Bean?!”